


Deal With It

by bitterbarnes



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Protective Bucky, and teases you about a certain mr barnes, bucky can't stop thinking about her (you), bucky just likes you a lot and doesn't know how to deal, caring bucky, natasha does your hair a lot, slightly obsessive bucky, the avengers play board games, this is really lame i just wanted to write bucky fawning over a girl
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-08
Updated: 2017-02-23
Packaged: 2018-03-11 00:57:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3309770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitterbarnes/pseuds/bitterbarnes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky understands a lot of things, but not so much how to deal with her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is really lame. Just a heads up.

The Winter Soldier was not somebody who stopped looking at something he liked. He found it hard to break his concentrated gaze from the corner of his eye that was fastened to her.  
She was sat with her legs crossed somewhat childishly, and she held one of her ankles with her hand as if keeping it in place. The other leg dangled from the sofa, kicking it to create a dull _thump_ every few seconds. Nobody seemed to care.  
She was chewing on blue bubble gum, insisting it tasted of strawberries despite the colour every time Tony asked with an impish grin. Bucky couldn’t help but wonder what it tasted of.  
When he asked, earning a sly wolf whistle from the Iron Man and a questionable glance from Steve, she smiled widely and bounced from her seat in between Natasha and Clint and stood in front of him, offering several sticks of gum.  
What she didn’t understand was that he wanted nothing more than to taste it from her.

On a particularly gruelling mission several days later, she was leaning on his shoulder, sweating, beaten and bleeding. Her breathing was shallow and her S.H.I.E.L.D suit was ripped over her stomach. He noticed everything down to the paper cut on her thumb, a foolish accident when she was excitedly showing Bucky all of her sketches, and she had pouted when Thor mocked her weakness, smiled adorably when Bucky pressed a small kiss to it to soothe her.  
“Buck, I feel sick.”  
He blinked slowly and looked down to see her face scrunched in a mixture of disgust and pain just before she moved so her head tucked into his neck. “You gonna be sick?”  
She made a faint humming noise. “I hate helicopters.”  
He knew she didn’t. She’d had a pilot’s licence since she was twenty, and she adored flying as much as she did drawing. What made her feel sick was the amount of devastation they just witnessed and could not solve.  
He knew most things about her, he realised. When they finally landed on solid ground she waited patiently for Bucky to offer her his hand, he realised she knew most things about him, too. He paused in front of her before holding out his hand, watching as she unbuckled herself from the seat and looked up at him. “James?”  
“I’m fine, doll.”

Tony had bought the two of them pizza for their five day mission return, though the man himself was nowhere to be seen. He had left a note with a smiley face and a two kisses, _one for the each of you_ written in brackets. Natasha had been waiting at her bedroom door, waving a dvd in one hand and holding a mug of hot chocolate in the other.  
“Its girls’ night. She needs it.” The Black Widow explained, briefly looking at Bucky. He nodded and reluctantly withdrew his grip on her hand.  
“I’ll come see you as soon as the film is done,” She promised him, reaching back for his hand to squeeze and kissing his cheek.  
He was still stood outside her door a minute after she’d disappeared behind it.

He sat with Steve at the table with plates of meat and potatoes between them whilst he thought of her washing herself and wincing at all of the cuts and bruises. He still thought of the way she would sit and braid her hair without looking as Steve asked him how the mission went and if he was okay, images of her unable to leave his mind. He closed his eyes.  
“The mission was fine.”  
“Did you try out that new technique you two were practising the other week?”  
He opened his eyes, smiling ever so slightly at the memories of her climbing onto his back and telling him excitedly how she had figured out a way they’d be invincible together. It didn’t go quite as well as it did in theory, as she cut her head and knee open, though he had to admit it was progress from their original fighting style. He told Steve this, leaving out the part where he had carried her everywhere after being injured, especially making sure he didn’t mention any of his injuries.  
“You like her, don’t you?”  
“Punk.”

A knock at the door roused him from sleep. Bucky walked to his door and opened it quickly, ready to snap at whoever had knocked on his door at 3 A.M. He swallowed his threats upon seeing her in the doorway, her face and hair highlighted by the dim light of her phone.  
“I think I fell asleep,” She said, almost shyly. “I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner.”  
“You didn’t have to come at all,” Bucky responded immediately, watching stiffly as she entered his room, her shoulder brushing his chest as she passed.  
“I always do.”  
“Your favourite jumper is in the wash.” He said, a few moments after watching her settle in the middle of his bed, the covers thrown back from being disturbed.  
“Looks like I’ll have to take your shirt, then,” She smiled, stretching out her arms to him.  
“The one I’m wearing?” He laughed, walking towards her and pointing to his chest. “No way.”  
She pouted and gathered the sheets on the bed, pulling them over her entire body. “Then goodnight, oh _Winter Soldier._ ”  
“I’d much rather you call me Dime again, doll.” He replied affectionately, sliding into bed next to her and pulling the covers from her face. She turned onto her side and looked up at him with sad eyes.  
Her fingers reached out to trace the scars where metal met flesh.  
“I wish I was kicking about seventy years ago, you know.”  
Despite wanting to tell her to be quiet, _don’t talk about it anymore, please_ , he remained quiet himself, letting her talk away at him about how she would have destroyed every HYDRA agent who dared touch him. It made him warm, the amount she cared for him, and he too wished she was alive when he was truly Bucky Barnes. Nothing would have made him happier to have her by his side during those years. And yet, looking at her lying next to him, a loose shirt with _Stark Industries_ written across her chest and knowing the power that swirled in her veins, he couldn’t have been more thankful she wasn’t alive back then. They would have made her into something far much worse than the Winter Soldier.  
And, of course, she wouldn’t be closing her eyes and wrapping herself around him right now with a small murmur of goodnight spilling from her lips.

It was routine for the pair to sleep next to one another when they had returned from a mission together. The rest of the Avengers understood, amazingly, the first time Bucky had emerged from his room with her, sleepy, but holding his hand tightly and wearing his favourite jumper, the one that covered his metal arm entirely.  
Only Tony commented on it, nudging Bruce with a raised brow and snickering into his coffee when she sat on Bucky’s lap rather than on her own stool. It would have surprised Bucky; too, if it weren’t for the amount of time they spent together on missions, trapped next to each other in a confined space for hours on end. He was easy on the contact between them now, gave it back to her in equal measures, even.  
It helped that she was the first person he saw when he awoke from being finally captured by S.H.I.E.L.D, her fingertips trailing down his face comfortingly, her eyes and smile kind through the snarl and angry Russian he was firing at her. He would always remember the way she used her power to pull a nearby chair to her and sat down close to the edge of his bed, her fingers still on his face and soft Russian words of comfort responding to his promises of slicing off her hand. The memories of relearning who he was came in uncomfortable waves, but he remembered each one that she was there for, even the glimpses of her in the background, patting Steve’s shoulder or grabbing the Black Widow’s arm in warning.  
It was this morning that they emerged from his room that caused the Avengers to look at them in speculation, even though they had never said a word previously - aside from Tony’s silent gestures.  
“What?” She asked, her hand gripping his metal one even tighter.  
“My Lady, you two slept the _day_ away. It’s nearly six in the evening.” She frowned at Steve’s words and looked up at Bucky, her drowsiness still evident.  
“We slept _all day_? We couldn’t have been _that_ tired, surely?” Bucky dropped her hand and draped it over her shoulder instead, pulling her to him and walking towards the sofa.  
“You even slept during our movie,” Natasha said slowly, her eyes drifting between her and Bucky. “You two weren’t up to anything, were you?”  
Clint choked on his noodles and Tony laughed, smacking his hand on the countertop of the bar. “Smooth, Romanoff!”  
Bucky pulled her down onto his lap and ignored the rest of the Avengers, looking forwards and out of the window instead. She looked down at him with a slight frown, one hand coming to a rest on the forearm that was locked around her waist, the other resting on top of the hand over her thigh.  
“We weren’t up to anything,” She sighed, her hand travelling up his arm upon feeling how tightly he began gripping her hip.  
“It wouldn’t be anyone’s business anyway.” The Winter Soldier growled, pulling her so her hip touched his stomach. He needed her closer, always needed her to be closer.  
With those quietly threatening words and her soothing fingers in his hair, down his neck and up and down his arms, nobody said another word to them about it.

“What’s up, Buck?” She asked, entering his room slowly. “You’ve been in here for hours. Are you alright?” He beckoned her closer with a wave of his hand and she complied, stopping so she stood between his legs. He had sat at the end of his bed with his face in his hands for what felt like hours.  
He needed rid of this constant need of her.  
It was driving him insane.  
 _She_ was driving him insane.  
His hands went to her hips, his right hand travelling around to her back and sliding up her shirt. He watched as her pupils dilated. “Bucky?”  
He repeated his own name slowly after revelling in the way she said it, the way her lips pouted and pressed together to pronounce it. “When I’m with you, I’m Bucky,” He muttered, his voice heavy with something mixed between lust and wonder. His fingertips brushed against the fabric of her bra and he kept them there, his eyes locking onto hers with a promise. “Anyone else and I remember my arm is made of metal and I’m stronger than Captain America.” His other hand slipped from her hip and onto the dip from her bottom to her thigh, cupping her and bringing her closer as he stood, making sure every inch of his body touched hers. She blinked slowly, but being the ever-patient Lady she was, she kept her mouth shut.  
They remained like that for a full sixty seconds, their chests pressed together and noses touching, eyes locked, neither willing to make a move.  
“It was a year today that we met,” She murmured, realisation lighting her eyes.  
He gave her a lopsided grin. He repeated the words she said to him in Russian when he first woke up and her eyes sparked.  
 _You’re stuck with me. Deal with it._  



	2. HYDRA's diamonds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More fluff featuring fluff.

Their heads were lowered over the small projected screen from the old S.H.I.E.L.D tech on the desk in front of them, their temples brushing as they breathed. A bracelet with a red star dangling against her pulse point she adorned around her wrist glinted from the light of the screen and constantly caught his eye, despite his concentration on the information they were receiving. It was nice to look at, unlike the projection of a man he loathed with every drop of blood in him. Natasha had tied it around her wrist one evening and simply winked at her and Bucky, claiming she and Clint had found it when returning from a mission and reminded them of the two. Clint evaded all of her interrogatives, saying over and over it was of no relation to the man with the metal arm who sat next to her. His wink said otherwise.  
The building they were in was an old abandoned S.H.I.E.L.D warehouse, reportedly one of the first to have been taken over by HYDRA, and Fury had sent them in to gather as much of anything they could.  
“You hearin’ all of this, Buck?” She whispered, her eyes wide at the recording of Alexander Pierce pacing in a board room, three men watching him in silence.  
“Yeah.”  
“Fury is gonna be pissed.” He grunted in response and straightened his back upon the recording ending, his jaw clenched as he reached for the portable device. Her hand covered his to stop him. “Stop thinking about it,” She said softly, squeezing his hand once and pocketing the projector. “I got it, Buck.”

That night he found it hard to sleep, thoughts of Pierce being the only thing on his mind. _Start over._ He rolled onto his stomach and pressed his face against the pillow.  
“James,” She whispered, and he rolled back onto his side to face her when her fingers touched his shoulder somewhat hesitantly. _Wipe him._ “You’ve been rolling around all night.”  
“I hate him.” He opened his eyes, looked between her and the STARKPad in her hand and how she was sat - half slumped against the backboard of the bed lazily, her hair down from the way she had it on missions, the ends of it still damp from her shower. He distracted himself by looking at her, revelled in the way she spoke and let her voice drown him.  
“He’s rotting in HYDRA Hell, James.”  
She didn’t like to give him a nickname whenever they were like this, exhausted from missions and not divulging each other as to why they can’t sleep. Something about the way her tired eyes stared at him made that night feel different. Her sigh made him close his eyes again.  
“Sorry, doll.” He felt the bed shift from her movement and when her head laid on his chest, the coldness from her wet hair touched his bare arms and stomach, he finally let himself relax. He apologised again.  
“Stop it,” She said lightly. “You know I don’t mind.”

Her eyes were heavy on him the next morning, and he found himself running through everything that happened last night over again in his head as Steve clapped him on the back and bode them both a good morning. The Winter Soldier replied slowly and groggily, not used to using his voice. She hadn’t been there when he had woken up and was instead in the kitchen, making him pancakes.  
“Feels tenser than Bruce’s ass up in here.”  
“Good morning to you too, Tony,” She laughed, her concentration finally breaking from Bucky.  
“You’re telling me it’s not the afternoon yet, babe? I gotta get back to bed. Interested in joining?” Her eyes went back to Bucky as she grinned.   
“I’m good, Stark.”  
“Suit yourself. How ‘bout you, Snowflake? You look tired.”  
Bucky repeated her words and every worry he held about her being mad at him broke as their eyes met.

When the evening had finally rolled around and the Avengers’ stomachs were full on Shawarma, a meal Tony and Thor always insisted upon eating, Bucky was staring at her as she read an article on how to make chocolate cake. It had long since been sunset and J.A.R.V.I.S had automatically closed their bedroom curtains for lack of either her or Bucky’s care. The brightness of the screen made him wince and bury his head in her hair.  
“I’d apologise but I had _no idea_ you had to add so much sugar,” She said to herself, and then quieted for a moment before nudging him off her gently. “You should find something to help distract yourself, you know.” She mused.  
“Like what?”  
“I don’t know. Baking works for me. There’s gotta be something for you.”

One month later and Bucky knew exactly what that distraction was, beside falling in love with her more and more every day.  
Stealing from HYDRA.  
She had been reluctant to agree at first, but upon seeing his distress at needing to take out decades of anger, she agreed and kissed his cheek, praising him on finding something that achieved two things at once. Setting back HYDRA and pissing them off.  
The first thing he stole was a diamond bracelet that made him think of her instantly. He thought it strange for HYDRA to keep jewellery locked away in glass cases, but it gave him a thrill to smash it with his metal arm that they had kindly given him. After he smashed it and while he was placing it on her arm, she told him that the Nazis took lots of art and precious things and kept them locked away. Stealing from Nazis _and_ HYDRA made him buzz.  
The bracelet had settled on her wrist next to Natasha and Clint’s present. He caught himself often staring there, a calmness washing over him at the sight of two things that undoubtedly reminded her of him.

“Hey, princess, check this,” Bucky exclaimed, an eyebrow raised as he stared down at the diamond necklace. She came over to him almost immediately, her eyes lowering from him to look at the necklace.  
“Got a thing for diamonds, Buck?” He paused before speaking, catching the look of awe on her face before she schooled her expression and looked back at him.  
“It’s HYDRA’s. You’re not gonna stop me stealin’ it, are ya? You honestly saying you don’t want it?”  
Her laugh was his answer as she walked back to the computers and continued hacking, the S.H.I.E.L.D symbol flashing in the middle of the screen as a robotic female voice demanded a password. “Carry on stealing me stuff and I’ll end up with a diamond ring one day.”  
“If I were to ever get you a diamond ring doll, I wouldn’t be stealing it.”  
She shook her head. “Stealing from HYDRA is your thing, Bucky. I’d rather you did that than buy me one.”  
“So if I were to get you a ring one day,” He said, a growing boyish smirk on his face that reminded her of the pictures of Bucky in the war, “Would you like diamonds?”  
Her smile was luminous as she teased him. “Nah. I already have my precious HYDRA diamond.”  
“I hope that diamond is me.” He grinned, approaching her slowly. She laughed as the computer monitors flashed green in approval of her password. She swivelled in her chair to look at him.  
“Who else?”


	3. Monopoly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what a surprise. there’s lots of fluff ahead. also this is dumbdumbdumb

It was strange to watch a man with a metal arm playing board games. Something about the sight made the smile on her face impossible to fade.  
Save for the extra harsh tug of her hair that made her turn sharply to glare up at the culprit. The Black Widow merely smirked and bent down to whisper in her ear: “I caught you staring.”  
She rolled her eyes and faced forwards again; going back to staring at the man with the bionic arm she had grown so fond of. She was seated between Natasha’s legs receiving a hair braid, opting for the safer way to go about her night and sit as far away from a game of monopoly that consisted of three men who were more prone to argue than any other combination - Tony Stark, Steve Rogers and Clint Barton. Bucky and Bruce shared looks of desperation every time Clint declared war on Tony, likewise whenever Tony made Steve pay hefty sums of money on his unsurprising total of eighteen properties, all with neat lines of hotels, ordering the “old man” to pay up or be _eliminated_. She had laughed loudly when Tony and Clint had shook hands for an alliance and when their plans to betray one another came to light, causing Steve to roll his eyes and Natasha to flick a hair tie to Clint’s face. She’d kept her mouth shut when she watched Bucky slide Steve extra money and vice-versa, and made a motion of sealing her lips when Bucky had caught her eye and winked.  
“Who’s winning?” Nat called out from above her.  
“Who’d ya think, Tasha?” Clint replied, leaning back in his chair to look at the two women.  
“I’d bet on Thor,” She said with a small laugh, nodding her head to the sleeping god. At some point during the night, Clint had stuck the Asgardian’s money in his hair, creating something akin to a crown.    
“Well I’d have to bet on Tony. He’s got at least fifty percent of the board.” _Tactical Tasha_ , she thought quietly, almost laughing out loud at her dumb alliteration.  
“I’d say more seventy five, but I’ll let it slide, Romanoff.”  
She yawned some minutes later and her head lolled back against Nat’s knee, thanking her quietly for the braid.  
“You should get to bed, missy.”  
“So should you, _missy_. And you, Steve! You’re both up early tomorrow for that raid on the old HYDRA place.”  
“Oh, here comes mother superior with her orders. Watch out, boys.”  
“Shut it, Clint,” She whined, rubbing her eyes and standing. She opened one eye slowly, the tiredness hitting her like a brick wall the second she gained her balance. Her eyes clocked Bucky throwing a dice at Clint’s head and made her way over to him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. “I’ll see you in the morning, Buck,” She murmured to him, kissing the top of his head. She received a kiss to her chin, all he could reach from his chair, and beamed him a sleepy smile. “Good night everyone,” She announced to the rest of the monopoly players, frowning briefly that the game had lasted so long.  
A chorus of good nights and a cheeky “G’night, mother,” from Clint and a prompt hit of another dice to Clint’s face followed her as Natasha linked her arm and walked her to her room.  
“You kissed him and he kissed you back.”  
“What of it, Nat? We’re partners - ”  
“Clint and I are partners. We don’t do that. Same goes for Steve.”  
“He’s my best friend?”  
“…We’re best friends,” The assassin raised her eyebrow challengingly. She huffed and stopped outside of her room, her hand on the handle as she looked up at the red head and sighed.  
“I don’t know what’s going on between us, okay? Now go sleep.”  
The Black Widow simply smiled. “Alright, boss. Good night.”  
“Kick HYDRA butt tomorrow for me!”  
“You got it.”

Stupidly, she dreamt of Bucky that night. They were walking in a forest that felt horribly familiar, but as she rubbed sleep from her eyes and drowsily left her bed, the name of the forest slipped her mind. The further distance she left her bed, the less she remembered, and she stopped short upon reaching her door, her cheeks flaming.  
 _Did you_ really _dream about kissing him? Moron, that’ll bite you in the ass later.  
_ As expected, it came to bite her in the ass. She was sitting on the kitchen countertop, eating ice cream straight from the tub with a STARK Industries spoon - _really, Tony?_ \- when Bucky came up to her, pulling a shirt over his head and kissing her on the cheek good morning. Her cheeks lit up like a fire the second he pulled back, stealing her spoon and taking a mouthful of her ice cream. She groaned inwardly upon noticing she had grabbed her least favourite flavour, which just so happened to be his favourite.  
“Why’d you get this flavour?” He asked, and _thank the stars_ he walked away from her and towards the freezer.  
“Accident.”  
“Accident?” He repeated, turning to look at her, disbelief all over his face. _Don’t think about it, don’t think about it -_  
“Yeah.”  
“Okay, then, doll,” He said slowly, suspicion lacing his voice.  
“I knew you’d want some when you got up,” _Pathetic excuse._ She sighed and pushed her palm in front of her face.  
“Are you alright, doll? Sleep okay?” _He had lifted her off the ground when he kissed her, twirled her a little, made her dizzy from both him and the sensation of spinning._ He was right in front of her when he pulled her hand back from her face, putting the ice cream from her lap and onto the counter next to her.  
 _God damn you._

Several hours later and a call from Nick Fury telling both her and Bucky they weren’t needed for a mission for another week, she was sprawled over the sofa watching Tangled, the lingering memories of her dream finally leaving her. She was laid in between Bucky’s legs, her head on his chest and his arm around her waist.  
“How great would it be to be a princess?” She found herself asking, blinking dreamily at Rapunzel with her crown finally on her head.  
“You should know,” Bucky muttered, his voice low as he complimented her, his fingers trailing through her hair.  
“Bleh,” She laughed, tilting her head back to look at him with a grin. “You’re too sweet to me.”  
A few minutes later, with her off his chest and disappearing out of the room with a promise to return with takeaway menus, he realised that would have been a perfect moment to kiss her and tell her _no, you’re too sweet to me_.

They had decided, considering it was only the two of them in the Avengers tower, to head out and collect the takeaway themselves. She was wearing an old hoodie of his, the one he’d picked up after running from HYDRA, and had her arm looped through his. They both wore hats, her a beanie with the American flag pattern, him with a cap, covering half his face in shade. He was used to being outside now, but the unsettling concern of being noticed for the monster he once was weighed heavily on him. She made him forget about that though, as she pointed up at a building and told him she once blasted a mind controlled Hawkeye off that roof. She insisted she knew Natasha was below, waiting for the catch on her hover bike.  
A little girl recognised her as they neared the Chinese restaurant, and she smiled widely, sank to her knees and hugged the kid, kissing her cheek and taking a photo with her.  
There was no way he could try and deny it much longer, as he stood to the side of their interaction with his hands buried deep in the pockets of his leather jacket, smiling tightly at her as she bounded up to him, her hand meeting his in his pocket as she chatted excitedly about the girl, Kit.  
He was so doomed.  
He’d never been in love before.

 


	4. Maddening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sorry i haven't updated for a million years, i had written a chapter a few weeks ago but i decided it's better placed after something /actually/ happens in the "story", so this chapter is basically setting up lots of fluff to come.  
> some mentions of drugs and there's swearing in this too, just a heads up in case  
> (also this is trash and i can't really keep my eyes open)

It was her first solo mission for almost a year. She was used to the company of the Captain or Bucky, and as she sank to her knees, trying to reload as quickly as possible to leave this _damned cave_ , all previous thoughts of this going okay left her mind. This was _not_ okay. The only company she had was that of the earpiece which kept her connected and offered her communications to S.H.I.E.L.D, which she knew she couldn’t contact unless someone contacted her first.  
If she had the Captain here as her partner, he’d have already figured out an escape route and the best possible strategy to move on from their position. She’d be home in her bunk on the helicarrier by now, easy.  
If she had Bucky here as her partner, she wouldn’t have to worry about the ten of the worst HYDRA agents on her tail, nor would she have to worry that she had a limited supply of ammunition left.  
Because if he was here, he’d have gripped her forearm by now and given her a signal for _I’ll take those guys out with my bare hands,_ a usual promise he made to keep her safe and behind him and she would grin and shoot until she would have to steal bullets from him.  
But instead, she was alone, by the wishes of Director Fury, and had cornered herself into a cave. _Deep breaths_ , she told herself, inhaling and exhaling from her nose as she steadied her hands and triple checked her surroundings. _You’ve been in worse situations._  
“Come in, Agent. Do you copy?”  
“Holy - Agent Hill, are you trying to _kill_ me?”  
“Always, ma’am. I need you to send me coordinates of your location, or stay talking to me for long enough to be tracked. We’ve located some HYDRA operatives who are close to where we last made contact - ”  
“No shit, Maria,” She hissed, heading to the mouth of the cave. “They’ve been following me.”  
“For how long?” She noted the concern in Hill’s voice and rolled her eyes, checking her suit as she walked. Bucky was going to murder her. Her suit was worse than she anticipated, gaping holes revealing bruised, cut and bleeding skin. She had foolishly made a promise to him not to get hurt, and here she was, bleeding out. “Agent?”  
“Two hours tops. I’m in pretty bad shape, Hill, I’m not gonna lie.” She paused for a moment, hearing the other woman’s huff of desperation and almost smiled. “I ran into a lass with blades for nails and she cut me like a vegetable.”  
“You let her?”  
“Don’t sound so surprised, Hill,” She muttered, throwing her pack to the ground and unzipping it. She rummaged through it for several seconds to find bandages and started to wrap up the worst cuts along her arms. “I was fending off three others.”  
“Fury shouldn’t have sent you in alone.”  
“I’m fine, Maria. Just direct me to safety already.”

Three weeks passed since the last known communication that S.H.I.E.L.D had received from her. Bucky had been sleeping in her room for the last week, unable to completely detach himself from her for too long, the growing wonder and pain of her lack of presence completely rattling him.  
He was fifteen again and completely _fucked._ He trained with Steve every morning, and every night he’d wind up finding Steve again and expressing his concern. The Captain shared his concern too, and when they went to Fury, who dismissed them immediately, Bucky was starting to lose himself to the depths of his HYDRA brainwashed brain, telling himself _there’s no hope, she’s gone, they’ve done something to her_.  
_What if they wiped her? What if she forgot everything? Forgot him?_  
Slowly, the more days that passed, he was losing the fight of _she’s okay._ He was going insane. He no longer had her, she wasn’t his. She was somewhere else and he didn’t know where, and he didn’t like it. _  
_ He punched Steve right in the face during training as he thought of HYDRA harming her. _No fucking chance in hell they’re gonna touch her._

Twenty minutes and one hundred apologies later, Steve was laughing as Bucky attempted to push frozen peas on his cheek.  
“It’s fine Buck, I get you’re angry.” Bucky huffed and remained quiet. Thoughts of her laughing as she tried to press frozen peas to his bruises flashed in his mind and his frowned deepened as he looked at his lifelong friend.  
“I shouldn’t have - ” Steve cut him off with a shake of his head. He pushed Bucky’s hands away from his face and stood from his chair.  
“Bucky.”  
Bucky finally looked at Steve square in the eye and sighed. “I love you, punk.”  
“I love you too, jerk. And she’s fine. She can take care of herself.”  
He would usually agree. She was strong, hell, almost as strong as him and he was a super soldier, enhanced by villains and mad scientists. So, it didn’t surprise him that something in the back of his mind told him otherwise, and that she, for once, could not take care of herself.  
And he was right.

They found her another week later. She was, as he feared, trapped with HYDRA scientists, pumping drugs into her bloodstream and forcing her into maddening illusions and nightmares.  
Her rescue he remembered little of. He shouted and screamed and brutally murdered all of the HYDRA scientists to the protest of everyone _(We could have interrogated them, Bucky,)_ but he ignored Natasha and ignored Fury as they tried to calm him down. He needed her by his side, healthy, laughing and smiling as normal, and they were stopping him from getting near her and _I’m trying to make them pay!_  
Eighteen hours passed until she was finally in the medical bay, laying peacefully with no HYDRA drugs in her. The second that he was cleared entrance to visit her, he all but ran to her side to pick up her hand and kiss it, then kiss her temple, her head, her cheek, her chin. He was told she wouldn’t wake for another few days, but he didn’t mind.  
She was here. She wasn’t HYDRA, not yet, and not ever.  
She was his again, and that was all that mattered.


	5. Recovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was listening to ASMR whilst i wrote this so my eyes were drooping (this is my way of excusing any typos/errors lol oops)
> 
> i hope you all enjoy and thank you for such lovely comments and all the kudos, you all brighten up my day <3

She wasn’t in pain. Bruised, yes, but she was in no form of pain. Bucky had a hard time trying to grasp that concept after explaining it to him for the fifth time, insisting she must rest, or telling her to stop running around after Clint, even if he did steal her favourite brownies and even if Thor drank the last of her milkshake, _I’ll buy you some more_.   
She winced as she sat down heavily; momentarily forgetting that even her butt was bruised, and slightly laughed, though shot a warning glare at Tony not to say a word. She used to find the abundance of his lame jokes funny, but now on her third day after being released from the medical bay, she was less than impressed.  
She noticed the weight of Bucky’s eyes on her instantly and wished she hadn’t winced. Of course he’d be watching her to see if she was okay - it was how their relationship worked. Her eyes met Bucky’s from across the room. She tilted her head in question upon seeing the look in her eyes, but he ever so slightly shook his head as if to say never mind.   
She sighed. She tried to squish the feeling of irritation down and bury it beneath her, but she found it difficult. She was used to keeping an eye on herself - she had always had friends, of course, but it was in her nature to keep her health and wellbeing in check on her own - having someone else breathing down her neck about it was unfamiliar territory she wasn’t sure she particularly enjoyed much. (Part of her mind managed to eat away that thought promptly and tell her _you like everything when it comes to him_.)   
She didn’t think what had happened to her was as bad as her fellow Avengers were making it out to be. All that had happened - to her knowledge, anyway - was that HYDRA managed to capture her after her efforts of escaping their chase and she was tortured until they decided to run some type of experiment on her that involved weird drugs to be injected into her like a virus. The nightmares it conjured were distressing and unsettling - they stuck with her still and she’d wake up crying. Bucky would be there, though, stroking back her hair and kissing her everywhere, only avoiding her lips. She didn’t know what else the drugs had done to her if anything, but she had her confidence in Bruce Banner and the tests he’d run on her.  
The attention she was receiving since the incident was nice, to some extent. It made Tony make sure he took special care to involve her on all his scientific endeavours, even when she had no idea what he was saying - but she didn’t mind, she enjoyed watching him ramble to the point where he decided to call Pepper to brag about something he just came up with, forgetting she was in the room as he told her he was excited for date night. It made Thor bring her into warm hugs that lifted her off the ground and the loud laugh that boomed down her ear was comforting. It made Natasha hold her hand whenever they were near each other, and she would often whisper in her ear something rude about one of the male Avengers. Steve Rogers made her hot chocolate every night before she went to bed and gave her mountains of blankets, draped his arm around her shoulder whenever he sat next to her on the couch. Bruce would give her smiles so sweet she blushed. Clint, however, treated her no differently and decided the best way to let her recover was to steal from her (secretly she loved it, hunting him down just so she could ask for a certain sock back that she didn’t need.)   
And then there was Bucky Barnes. He’d be the one who would talk to her about nothing, tell her how bad the weather was when she took a nap in the afternoon, tell her about a phone call with Sam Wilson that lasted eight minutes too long. He’d be the one to wrap her up in a hug and rest his head in the space between her shoulder and neck and she’d feel his smile against her skin. He’d be the one who didn’t need to hold her hand when they were close enough because he’d already have curled his little finger around hers and whispered in her ear about how much of a dork Steve looked wearing a cooking apron _(he used to wear one back in the forties and looked like a dork then, too.)_ He’d be the one to make her toes curl whenever he smiled at her, and she’d probably already be blushing just from him looking at her. He’d be the one to put cream on the top of her hot chocolate after Steve had made it, always raising his eyebrow when the number of marshmallows she wanted increased every time, and he’d always tuck the blankets around her when she had fallen asleep beneath them. He’d also be the one to steal the other matching sock, but would always give it back the second her eyebrow raised at him and she tapped her foot impatiently.   
A sinking feeling began to settle in her stomach. She realised that she had been completely misdirecting her feelings of irritation over Bucky’s habits for looking out for her to be something else entirely. She slumped further into her seat next to Nat and bit her lip, looking across the room once more to look at Bucky. She let herself draw blood from her lip as everything clicked into place. Watching him frown as he flexed his metal arm and wiggled his fingers after Tony had tampered with it, watching as a piece of his long hair moved in front of his eyes and his frown deepening as it partially blocked his eyesight, the sinking feeling grew in her stomach.   
_You’re utterly and disgracefully in love with your best friend. Nice._

She couldn’t concentrate on the movie Thor had begged the whole team to watch. It was a bad nineties horror that had excessive amounts of blood and gore that Natasha found childish and Thor and Clint to find “cool”. Steve looked merely concerned as one man had blood gushing from his neck for at least two minutes. She probably would have been laughing along with the others at the bad jokes that constantly spewed from both Clint and Tony’s mouth, probably would have complained with Bruce and Natasha that the acting was so bad - but her entire body and mind was consumed by James Buchanan Barnes sitting next to her. He was subconsciously messing with her fingers on his lap and had his metal arm around her shoulders, sat comfortably and enthralled in the movie, only smiling instead of laughing with the others. She was aware that they looked like a couple, but couldn’t bring herself to detangle herself from him.    
_You’re in love with him,_ she reminded herself, closing her eyes for a brief moment. _Of course you’re not gonna move._  
“You okay?” Bucky whispered in her ear, his nose brushing her cheekbone. She inhaled sharply and nodded stiffly. “You don’t look okay,” He said, his voice light with humour. She knew him well enough to hear the underlying warmth and concern and swallowed thickly.   
“I’m fine,” She murmured. She had half the heart to tell him right then that she was in love with him, just to make it easier to turn her head just a little so their lips were perfectly in line. “I promise.”

She woke up drenched in sweat, clutching her shirt over her heart as it hammered too fast, rushing blood to her ears to make her dizzy. Bucky must have come into her room at some point during the night and fallen asleep, as seconds later she felt one warm arm slide around her waist and one cold rest over her heart in attempt to slow it down.   
Normally, this would help. She would be completely at rest and expressing her gratitude to him, but _you love him you love him you love him._  
Her brain was fuzzy and felt like a ball of wool - completely useless and left her incapable of coherent thought. She hadn’t even realised she had said it out loud until she felt his exhalation of breath float over her ears, tickling the hairs on the back of her neck exposed from her ponytail.   
She didn’t panic, and instead whispered a thank you as his grip tightened on her, acknowledging her words.   
They sat together in the middle of the bed, one hand over her heart and his arm encasing her hips for the rest of the night, neither able to will themselves to sleep.


	6. Bad Habits Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was at a party last night and i’m running off 2 hours sleep because it was all that i could manage when i got home, so obviously my laptop came out and i started writing this. i’m such trash.

Undercover missions were one of her favourites. She got to dress up in clothes she wouldn’t normally wear, hang out in places she wouldn’t normally go, pretend Steve was her older brother or husband Chris or Grant.  
She had the most fun, though, with Natasha. She’d be her girlfriend Emily or her sister Louise, and something about seeing the Black Widow dressed as a goth with bright green hair was irresistible. She was the perfect undercover partner, for both her talents and the humour value.  
It made sense that she was more than pleased when Nat had knocked on her door and opened it immediately with a cheeky grin on her face, throwing a neon pink dress on her bed and a bottle of candyfloss coloured hair dye. The assassin didn’t need to say anything, as the only reason she would have those two things thrown at her was if they were about to go undercover. She felt a grin appear on her face just a little too late, looking up at the doorway to see it empty.  
She rolled out of bed with the dress and dye in her hands, frowning as she realised she didn’t have any pink shoes to match. She pulled out her phone to text Nat, surprised to see four messages already in her inbox.   

 _Nat_  
_18:45_  
_Are you up? :)_

 _Nat_  
_18:52_  
_That’s a no. It’s mission time! I’m coming to wake you up and I swear if you complain I WILL consider killing you_

 _Nat_  
_18:59_  
_I forgot to give you shoes! Come to my room when you’re ready_

She raised her eyebrows at Nat’s forgetfulness. It wasn’t normal she forgot _anything_ ; it was in her nature - both trained and natural - to remember _every_ little detail about _everything_. So she simply rolled her eyes, knowing the red head was up to something that will probably be equal bad and good. The last text she opened made her fall back onto her bed after only reading the name, lifting her phone in the air to read it as a smile brightened her face.

 _Bucky_  
_15:12_  
_Me and Steve are going to be home today, you better be home too doll_

She couldn’t help but let out a noise of surprise and happiness at his message. It had been five days since she last saw two of her favourite people in the universe, and the lack of Bucky by her side had worn her down to a tired and bored mess. His absence only made her think of how she had blurted the _I love you_ to him even more, and to make it worse she knew he had thought of it only as an appreciation of their friendship, and not what she _actually_ meant. She would rather he know than keep it a secret for much longer.  
Eager to speak to him, she scrambled to sit up and hold her phone properly to reply, sending it before she had the chance to check it.

 _Me_  
_19:01_  
_Goin UC with nats, when r u home??_

She rolled her eyes at how dumb she made herself sound with the abbreviations despite knowing Bucky wouldn’t care and would simply be happy she messaged and stood up from her bed. She smiled fondly as she remembered when she and Tony first attempted teaching Bucky all the text slang and abbreviations they could think of, blurting out singular letters and combinations of letters that made little sense at the same time, causing Bucky to eventually turn off his phone and leave the room. She groaned as she let herself get side-tracked, locking her phone and throwing it on her bed as she walked towards her bathroom. _You have other things to think about_ , she told herself, pushing thoughts of Bucky aside for as long as she could. _Get dressed, find Nat, and then you think about Bucky as much as you want._

Half an hour later after showering, applying the necessary makeup according to what little information Nat had messaged her with and dyeing the hair of her wig, (she became quicker and quicker every time, she realised, having to get ready as fast as you could was an amazing trait to have when you’re a superhero) she stood in front of her mirror, only missing her shoes that her best friend still had a hold of. She lifted her now candyfloss pink hair from her shoulder and away from her body to look at it properly. She frowned a little, tugging on the strands. She never thought pink suited her, and stood in front of a full length mirror in everything pink from her lipstick to eyeshadow to hair and clothes and jewellery, she understood why. It was too much. But, as Nat insisted every two seconds she began to doubt herself, she _was_ beautiful and she looked it too, even in what she considered overpowering pink. And, reminding herself for the millionth time, she was undercover and only Nat would see her.

She walked barefoot to Natasha’s room, chewing on bubble gum and blowing bubbles with it out of habit.  
“Nat,” She called, dragging out the ‘a’ as she knocked repeatedly on the red head’s door. She leant against the doorframe and blew another bubble as she heard footsteps approaching. She frowned and kicked herself from the frame when she recognised that they sounded heavier than Nat’s and stepped back, letting the bubble pop as it opened to reveal a smirking Bucky and smiling Steve. She saw Natasha behind them both with her arms crossed and a lazy smile on her face, too, but she forced herself not to look at her until she completely soaked in the Winter Soldier’s (and Captain America’s) existence in front of her.  
“Hey, princess,” Her eyes widened and she almost let out a screech as they barrelled into each other’s arms, Bucky locking one hand on her lower back and the other in her hair. “Pink, huh?”  
She giggled and blushed as she stepped out of his hold, but made sure he could still keep his hand on her back and the other touching the ends of her hair, looking between it and her.  
“Yes, pink,” She said with a sigh, smiling and giving Steve a wave just before he stepped forwards with a laugh and embraced her. The second Steve backed away from her and retreated further into Nat’s room and towards the woman herself, Bucky had taken her hand in his and pulled her to follow after his best friend. “How was your five day wondrous delight of HYDRA?”  
Steve shrugged and accepted a shirt Nat was holding out for him, changing in front of the four of them. “Some tumbles here and there,”  
“But it went okay,” Bucky finished, squeezing her hand. “I can’t get over the pink.”  
“You’re telling me,” She muttered, sticking her tongue out at Natasha. “As if you used shoes as a way to get me here.”  
Nat smirked and offered her some pink heels. “It surprised you though.”  
She stuck her tongue out at her again, though accepted the shoes gracefully with a smile and sat on the edge of her bed to put them on.  
“So why are you two dressed all nice?” She queried, looking between Steve and Bucky. Bucky had on a black suit with a black shirt, his top button fastened despite there being no tie, and Steve matched, though his blazer was over the back of the armchair in the corner of the room. Her eyes couldn’t keep off Bucky, however. His hair had been slicked back with gel, hiding the length of it well, and she couldn’t help but feel more and more attracted to him.  
“They’re gonna be our boyfriends for the night.”  
She wished she didn’t have bubble gum in her mouth when she said that. Then maybe she wouldn’t have swallowed it out of shock and coughed for the next five minutes.

Twenty minutes had passed since her near death experience with gum; she had been filled in on the entire operation. They were now waiting on Nat to finish her makeup and to gather supplies.  
“Why couldn’t we have just gone as lesbians?” Steve’s eyes widened comically at her words as he finally buttoned his sleeves, turning from looking at his reflection to look at her. “I mean, I love you two both very much but it saves you from coming with us. You just got back from terrorising HYDRA for five days.”  
“We’re not tired, doll,” Bucky said calmly (and for the second time.) She exhaled slowly through her nose as she looked up at him. She was laid horizontally along Natasha’s bed with her head in his lap, comforted by him stroking her hair. He seemed to be refusing to look down at her, and she huffed out of frustration and pouted.  
“Because,” Nat said, emerging from her en-suite in a matching dress to her own but in an electric shade of blue. She grinned widely at the sight of her with blue hair. “We need these two.”  
“One reason? That’s it?”  
Nat’s eyes bored into hers and she sat up straight. She knew not to argue or push for more. “I have two ties in my hand to determine who gets who as their date for the night.” She felt Bucky’s fingertips graze her thigh as he stood from the bed and repressed a shiver, amazed that the briefest contact from him caused her entire body to react.  
“Right hand,” Steve said, holding out his own hand to accept a tie. She stood up just in time to see Nat place blue material into his hand. Her eyes met Nat’s. Something about the way she was looking at her told her that it wasn’t a total coincidence that she had Bucky.

It took two hours to finally get to their destination of the nightclub - the location of where a meeting with several high ranked HYDRA members were. The four of them were seated in the back of a limousine to ensure the crowds of the nightclub understood they were rich - the more they were talked about the better. It made it more convincing for what they had to do. Sat opposite her and Bucky was Steve and Nat, who were looking out of the windows next to them instead of speaking. Bucky's leg was bouncing as they pulled up on the curb, and the combination of the two opposite her not speaking and Bucky acting nervous made her nervous. She kissed his cheek and smiled when he turned to look at her with his eyebrows furrowed.  
"I'll be fine."  
"But - "  
"Bucky. I've got you. And _Captain America._ _And_ Black Widow. You won't let anything happen to me and I won't let anything happen to you." For the first time since she tied the pink tie around his neck, he smiled at her and placed his hand on the back of her neck, bringing her closer to kiss her nose.   
She watched as he pulled on black gloves to completely hide his metal arm and patted his knee before he exited the car, waiting for him to open the door for her.

Bucky held her hand tightly as they wove through the crowds of the nightclub. When she finally located a free barstool, she sat and ordered the first thing she saw on the menu above her, ignoring the lingering eyes of the bartender on her chest. She felt Bucky stand behind her protectively, his chest touching her shoulder blades, and placed his hands on her shoulders. She knew he was sending glares directed at the bartender when he placed her drink before her, causing her to snicker into the glass as it touched her lips. Bucky bowed his head to her ear, his lips touching her skin as he spoke.  
“You’re not really gonna drink that, are ya doll?” He whispered. She was partly surprised that she could hear him so well over the loud bass of the music, but she was attuned to his every movement that a bigger part of her was unsurprised. She moved her head so she could look at his eyes and licked her lips, enthralled that his eyes instantly dropped to watch her tongue. She felt the pit of her stomach knot as if in anticipation.  
“Why, do you want some?” She completely turned to have her back to the bar to maintain their interaction, allowing Bucky to place his hands from her shoulders and onto her knees, trailing up her legs slowly to her hips to pull her closer. Her breath caught in her throat and the sudden movement almost made her spill her drink. Bucky again neared her face, stopping mere centimeters in front of her. She lifted her chin making their noses brush, and then he put his lips to her ear, kissing just beneath it before sighing: “ _yes, but_ _not of the drink_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hides*


	7. Bad Habits Part 2

_Yes, but not of the drink._  
The communications device in her ear crackled and the loud, demanding voice of Natasha broke through her hazy head causing her to uncharacteristically stumble, her grip on the glass in her hand slipping.  
Bucky’s face was easy to read in front of her as he straightened, catching the glass as easily as she had dropped it, uncaring as the liquid sloshed over the rim and freckled over his hand.  
Then he turned expressionless as he registered Natasha’s words, the slight crease of his eyebrows showing his concern the instant Steve’s name was mentioned in distress. She swallowed thickly, kicking the barstool back against the bar with her foot as she stood to move past Bucky without touching him.  
A deep inhale as she pulled her hair back over her shoulders, unknowing as to when Bucky had pushed it back, her fingertips dared to touch where his lips had ghosted on her skin.  
The man fogging up her brain with thoughts she should _definitely not be thinking about when on a mission_ moved in front of her instantly, his hand a sudden cold shock to her skin as he pulled her dress down from where his wandering hands had caused it to hitch up to touch her thighs and to grip her hips.  
“We have to go retrieve Nat and Steve,” He murmured, his eyes flicking between hers cautiously.  
Still unable to speak, she nodded.  
She drew blood as she bit the inside of her cheek when she had to gently remind him that he was still holding the bottom of her dress.

A stream of curses she was certain she had never spoken before left her lips in an angry chant of disbelief, working quickly to bind Natasha’s wound on her arm.  
“Why didn’t you fucking call us sooner?” She hissed, fastening the bandage tightly.  
“You were busy,” A knowing glint in Natasha’s eyes made her spine crawl with both disappointment and, when she realised the feeling of gratitude, she cursed again. Natasha’s eyebrow rose in surprise. “You don’t appreciate?”  
“Yes,” She said slowly, “but you were injured and Steve’s gone off chasing something unknown, and now Bucky’s gone, too.”  
Natasha’s surprise faded as she rolled her eyes. “Your boyfriend will be back soon with Steve safe.”  
“He’s not - ”  
“Shut up, moron. You’re so clueless it’s actually quite funny.”  
“You’re not laughing.”  
Another eye roll. “It was funny a year ago, now it’s just getting sad.”

Natasha’s comment unsettled her as she approached the kitchen, the word _clueless_ glued against her skull. She halted in her steps as she noticed the floor littered with purple arrows and couldn’t even form a smile as thoughts of her favourite archer touched her mind. She was heavily focused on Bucky, of course, and the way Natasha had spoken to her as if she was being the biggest moron to walk the Earth caused her to totally lock up as her concentration exceeded what was needed for a midnight wander to the kitchen for something sugary.  
“You look like a zombie,” Her tense shoulders relaxed upon hearing Steve and her eyes closed as his large arms wrapped around her lovingly.  
“You’re okay,” She murmured dumbly, a late _hello_ dropping from her lips a moment later. She felt his lips curved into a smile as he kissed her forehead.  
“When am I not okay?” She shot him a look that made it clear she could list off at least a hundred times Steve Rogers definitely was not okay.  
“Bucky is showering.”  
Her muscles tensed again, and despite the comfort of knowing he was okay and home too, _clueless_ wrapped around her again.  
“Okay.”  
Steve’s look of complete confusion across his face was almost comical. “Are you alright? Did something happen between you and Buck?” She drew her lower lip into her mouth and pulled out a bar of chocolate from the closest fridge, a million thoughts scattering painfully as she tried to focus on just one. “He’s been just the same all night. Tense, focused on something he won’t tell me.” She heard the hurt in his voice and wanted to melt into a puddle of tears and chocolate and hugs and tell Steve that _me and Bucky are stupid, why are we so stupid, Steve?_  
She forced a smile and span around to face him once more, grinning as she threw a square of chocolate up in the air and caught it in her mouth. She giggled and blinked innocently. “Of course I’m okay. Nothing happened.”  
It only took half an hour for her to pull her silly pink wig off and pull on old shorts and one of Bucky’s shirts and to run to Steve’s room. She hesitated in front of the door, bouncing on the balls of her feet.  
Steve appeared at the door before she had chance to knock. His smile was sympathetic. “You’re just like Bucky.”

Steve had kept his arm a reassuring weight around her shoulders for hours as they watched movies until a yawn threatened to break her jaw.  
“You need to sleep,” He said with a smile, pulling her closer to his chest. “You’ll work whatever happened with you and Buck out tomorrow.”  
She groaned and squeezed her eyes shut. “All he did was kiss my damn neck, Steve, and it was the best thing in the world.”  
His momentary silence made her squirm. “Natasha owes me five dollars.”  
Her surprise pulled her back from his grip, her eyes wide as she looked to one of her closest friends. “What?”  
His eyes met hers almost shyly, an apology twisting his lips. “She thought it’d be a kiss on the lips first.”  
Frustration ignited her veins and something in her coiled. “Why didn’t either of you tell me?”  
He pulled her back to him in one arm movement, and her feelings sank away into a deep sadness that had been buried down ever since she met Steve and Bucky.  
“I’ve never been that good at this kinda thing,” He admitted, a trace of self-depreciating humour coating his tone that made her sadness swell. “But I knew the second you and Buck went on that first mission together something was going to happen. You look at each other like a baby looks at the stars.”

The sound of a distant grandfather clock chimed six; a painful reminder that this was another night sleep evaded her in favour of thinking of a man with a robotic arm. She was mindless as her feet carried her from Steve’s arms and to the kitchen, water finding its way to her and washing away the tightness of her throat, the promise of tears breaking.  
She rubbed the heels of her palms into her eyes, the intention of collapsing onto the nearest sofa instead of the two minute walk to her room overwhelming her into deeper exhaustion.  
Her entire body froze up into alert as she walked straight into Natasha and Bucky’s vision. The two on her desired sofa stared at her in equal measures of surprise, though she didn’t fail to notice the curve of the redhead’s lips to a smirk.  
“Well, lover boy, remember what I said,” Natasha stood with a pat to Bucky’s shoulder and the older woman walked past her with a grin, leaning to her to kiss her cheek as she passed. “Good morning, BFFL.”  
Her brain was past registering time or her best friends’ taunts as she walked to Bucky, her arms reaching out to him as he stood with a small smile, arms waiting.

She awoke to find herself sprawled on top of Bucky, her bedsheets tangled around them both as if they had rolled around in the night. Bucky had his metal arm loosely draped on her lower back, the cool metal kissing her skin in a _good morning_ as her shirt had ridden up to her ribs. Bucky was shirtless, his skin impossibly warm under her chest compared to his arm, and her cheeks flushed a rosy pink. His other arm was beside under his head to keep his head propped up on the pillows to look at her. As their eyes met, and she drank in those eyes full of promise that kissed her skin wherever he looked and breathed out a disbelieving laugh.  
“Morning,” Came his response, his voice low and husky from sleep.  
“You didn’t come to see me when you got back last night.”  
He blinked and let out a breath as his arm on her back shifted, his fingers trailing lazily up and down her side subconsciously. His eyes drifted away from her.  
“You were spending time with Steve,” He supplied in answer, looking back at her slowly, hesitantly.  
“But you’re - you’re you,” She said lamely, attempting to sit up by pushing her hands down on his chest. This only caused Bucky to huff out in surprise, his eyebrows rising at her as she laughed in apology, falling onto her back to lie next to him.  
“Correct, I am me,” He retorted with amusement gracing his mouth. His smile was contagious as she smacked him, rolling her eyes.  
“Don’t get sassy with me, Barnes,” She smiled, tucking a hand under her cheek and curling her arm under his and placing her hand on his shoulder, her painted pink fingernails looking odd against his silver arm.  
His face moved closer than before as she felt his breath against her lips as his fingers tangled in her hair, bringing her head closer to him to kiss her forehead, the space between her eyebrows, the tip of her nose, each cheek.  
He paused, a cocky boyish grin being the only thing she saw before he skipped her lips entirely, his fingers knotting further into her hair, clutching the back of her head as he kissed down her neck, stopping after pressing two butterfly kisses to her collar bone.  
“And you’re _you_ , Princess.”

Bucky’s eyes met hers across the room in silent question when she yawned her greetings to the rest of the Avengers several hours later. Nothing more had happened between them apart from his lingering words of leaving her alone to sleep, and yet, his gaze on her a heavy reminder of the way his lips trailed over her skin to make her forget everything but his name felt oddly like a promise that something more was going to happen. She shot him a lazy smile, making his eyes wrinkle in the way they always did when he was pleased.  
Natasha’s approving hum behind her made her good mood slip away with caution. Her best friend was devious and knew how to word things in such a way nothing could be said to untwist what she had implied.  
“You two seem happy.”  
Her eyes skirted upon instinct to look back to Bucky, stood shoulder to shoulder between Tony and Steve as they listened to Maria tell them about their latest threat to eliminate. He was stood with his arms crossed in concentration, his black uniform tight enough so she could see his muscles straining against the material. Her small laugh caught his attention and though his face remained unsmiling, she knew he didn’t turn to look at her out of annoyance from her laugh disturbing his briefing.  
“ _Real_ happy. Woah girlie. What _happened_ last night?” Natasha’s shit-eating grin made her laugh again.  
“I don’t think what happened at that bar was a one-time thing, Nat,” She whispered, swinging herself up on the barstool and propping her chin in her hand.  
Natasha played along, leaning towards her on the other side of the counter and mirrored her action, her voice dropping to a whisper even with her grin still present. “Well, look sharp, babe, he’s comin’ over.”  
She kept her eyes fastened onto Nat as Bucky’s hand touched her lower back and his hair tickled her face as he bent to kiss her temple.  
“Back later,” He murmured, kissing her again before leaving and trailing behind Tony and Steve, Tony too immersed on his phone to notice Bucky’s display. The Captain, however, turned to look over his shoulder at her and then to Bucky, then to the grinning assassin in front of her.  
“Another five dollars, Nat.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have nothing worthy enough to excuse how long it's taken for me to update, and it was yesterday when I was about to fall alseep that I realised I had become one of those authors who just suddenly stops updating and its the worst thing in the world, and I can't apologise enough.  
> Your amazingly kind comments have made me grin like a moron for the past hour as I read through them, spurring me on to write this, so I hope you like it!  
> Thank you times a million for all the kudos and support and reading that you're doing of this, I love you all to Pluto and back. 
> 
> P.s, I was thinking of changing the warnings and stuff of this, because there's gonna be more swearing and things are, obviously, getting more personal and heated between the lovely lady of this and Bucky. If you have any comments/feedback on this, do let me know, because this is written for you and simply for my enjoyment :)


	8. Chapter 8

Bucky had been gone for a total of sixty seconds and she already found herself bored. She tried to ignore the knot in the pit of her stomach, tried to ignore how Nat was staring at her, tried to ignore how _loud_ her watch was ticking in her ear, tried to ignore –  
She heard his voice before she saw him. She stood up from her stool, her face the perfect picture of confusion as she slowly met eyes with Natasha. Her expression was mirrored, though quickly schooled back into her classic smirk. The redhead shrugged, smile wider.  
“I can’t just leave you like that,” Bucky said, marching towards her quickly.  
She swallowed her breath and nearly choked, stumbling away from the bar and towards him subconsciously.  
“Bucky?” She whispered, face screwed up in lack of comprehension. “What do you –”  
“I really need to kiss you. Can I kiss you, doll?”   
Her heart dropped to her feet and her vision became tunnelled. She didn’t hear herself say _yes, god yes Bucky,_ but the way he smiled and felt his breath on her face, she was thankful her autopilot was better than her current love-struck state. Before she even had chance to take a breath, his hand was on her neck and lips on hers.  
A little whimper rose in her throat and she fell into him, her arms around him like vines clinging to the bark of a tree. It was a short kiss, but when their eyes met, two bright eyes dark with affection, she knew he wasn’t going to let that be the only kiss. Incapable of pulling away from one another, it took Natasha to clear her throat and call her name to make her look away from him.  
Still completely enamoured by her, he dropped his head to her neck and nuzzled her, his arms wrapping around her waist and pulling her closer. He faintly registered Nat and his girl talking, but paid no more attention than that to it, finding the pulsing vein in her neck far more interesting as he began to pepper kisses along it. Hearing her breath catch, he pulled back slightly with a grin, one hand sliding down from her waist to gently hold her ass. He watched in fascination as the pink on her cheeks grew and how her lips parted.  
“You have to go,” She managed to say, her voice low with arousal. Neither moved.  
“I’m not done with you.” He promised, dropping his arms from her. His lips tilted into a smirk as her arms slowly fell from him, leaving her stood still, mouth agape as he left for the second time that day.  
Her eyes met Natasha’s as soon as he was gone.  
She simply stared back as silence engulfed them both.  
“I thought I was about to watch you two fuck for a second there.”  
The Russian’s laugh echoed through the room as a shoe was flung at her head.

She woke up that night to Bucky opening her door, throwing his weapons down on the ground as he approached her bed. It was strange for him to come to her room if he had been on a mission without her unless he’d had a bad day, and her stomach twisted nervously.  
His expression was sombre, eyebrows slightly drawn as he looked at the pile of weapons on the floor sighing. He rubbed at the back of his neck and rolled his shoulders back, his muscles flexing and catching her attention in the moonlight seeping through the curtains. He had his hair tied back in a bun and she loved it – his entire face on display for her to see. His jaw was clenching as though he was deep in thought.   
Bucky hadn’t noticed that she was awake yet, and she was thankful for it. She loved to watch him – something about how graceful he was, how quiet and gentle made her stomach twist and her heart flutter.  
Feeling his eyes heavy on her, she sat up, leaning against the headboard as she watched him undress. Even from the distance she was away from him, she could see the satisfied look on his face as he caught her watching.  
Despite spending countless nights together curled up in bed after long days, his hand still hovered on the bed sheet before pulling it back in question. She nodded eagerly, offering him her hands in an invitation.  
He scooped her up immediately, placing her on top of him, her knees each side of his hips. She blushed down at him in surprise. His eyes closed as he collapsed against the headboard, his hands going to her hips and rubbing his thumbs into her bones. She ignored the pooling heat of her arousal, swallowing thickly. In need of a distraction, she pulled his hair out from a bun and used her fingers to brush through his hair. He sighed, letting his head loll back into her hands.  
They sat in a slightly tense silence before she found her nerve to speak.  
“Everything go okay?”  
“Could have been a lot worse,” He murmured, eyes opening to focus on something distant. She stopped brushing his hair, concern gracing her features just as he turned to look back at her. “I missed you. A lot.”  
“I missed you too,” She smiled, kissing his forehead after pulling her hands from his head. “Are you sure today was alright?”  
He hesitated before speaking, his hands lowering from her hips to her thighs. She inhaled sharply at the bitter cold from his metal fingers against her skin, somewhere she couldn’t help but notice he had never dared touched before. “I can’t – I find it hard to –” He groaned. His grip tightened on her thighs. “Fuck it.”  
Bucky’s eyes met hers again and her throat went dry. The look in his eyes –  
He pushed her off him and rolled on top of her, his metal arm holding him up and keeping his body from crushing her, his other hand trailing down her side, fingers lingering against the side of her breast. He trailed kisses up her neck to her ear, his breath against it making her shiver and spine to arch, her body pressing against his. His eyes snapped to hers as their hips collided, his obvious arousal pressing against her.  
“You drive me crazy, doll.”

Two days later and she and Steve were back-to-back, trapped in a narrow corridor with swarms of HYDRA agents pouring from each end. She was beyond exhausted. It was meant to be a simple extraction mission – enter the facility, grab a few files, leave. They had no idea how HYDRA had descended on them in such numbers at such a speed, but it wasn’t something they could afford to think about until safe.  
Unfortunately, that seemed like a lifetime away as _hours_ passed, and they were _still fighting._ It didn’t help _at all_ that Crossbones had made a grand appearance, dead-set on Steve.  
Tony’s voice made her jolt in surprise, her jerky hand movement making her knife slash through Crossbones’ hand. “Barnes and I are incoming, hot stuff.”  
“Where were you both fucking _two hours_ ago?” She scowled, ducking and rolling away from the incredibly pissed brute of a man she once knew as Frank. Steve’s shield hit him square in the back thanks to her accidental distraction causing him to stumble. Turning her back to the two old rivals, she focused on removing the rest of the increasing threat. _Where the fuck are they all coming from?_  
“We thought you’d have it under control,” Tony admitted.  
“We’ve overwhelmed.” She stated flatly, standing still for a second. “They won’t stop coming.”  
“Just hold on, princess.”  
“See? Loverboy will be with you soon. Calm down. Focus.”  
Hearing those words made her snap.  
She didn’t feel tired anymore, she felt undeniably _angry_.  
“Stark I think she’s about to –”  
She let out her power. The energy and magic inside of her exploded and her head felt like it was splitting in half, forcing her to let out a scream and collapse to the floor. Her vision went black, though she was definitely still conscious. She knew she had killed them all. She could feel it weighing down on her.  
“C’mon, doll, stay with me,” Bucky’s voice filled her ears and she felt the tears on her cheeks. She felt his presence in front of her and his hands held her face firmly.  
Her vision came back just as his face grew closer, pressing a kiss to her cheek. “There you are,” He smiled. “I’m here.”  
She looked past him to see Steve watching the two of them, a sad smile on his face as their eyes met. Iron Man’s helmet lifted to reveal the face of Tony, his face slack with lack of concern.  
“That was impressive, kiddo,” He praised. “Did you mean to do that?”  
Bucky tensed and turned to look at Stark in warning.  
“No.”  
“I don’t know why you’re looking at me like that, Winter. She just exterminated a _lot_ of problems.”  
“She’s in pain, Stark,” He snapped, helping to lift her from the ground. His metal arm wound around her waist protectively, encouraging her to lean against him. She dropped her head to his shoulder, her head throbbing. Her entire body felt so so weak. “You’re the one who made her do this.”  
Tony looked dumbstruck. “Me? I only told her to focus, old man.”  
“You knew what that would make her do,” Bucky said dangerously.  
“Saved her from being here for a few more hours? Saved her from being hurt again by Crossbones?”  
She groaned in memory of her knife wound to her leg, her fingers brushing along it. She hissed as it continued to bleed out rapidly, throwing her under another fit of dizziness. “She did what _she_ wanted to, hate to break it to you.”  
“Quit it, you two,” Steve interjected. “She looks like she’s about to pass out. We need to go back.”

Waking up in the bright white medical bay never settled well with Bucky. It either meant he had done something and had to be put down, or it was his number one gal.  
His eyes landed on her and he sighed, picking up her hand and kissing it longingly. He’d much rather he had done something than her be in any kind of distress.  
“Just tell her.”  
He turned to see Steve hovering in the doorway, arms crossed.  
“Tell her what?”  
“You want her.”  
“Punk,” He muttered, turning back to look at her. She was sound asleep under heavy medication after Banner had run numerous tests to check on her health and wouldn’t be awake for another few hours. “Maybe someday.”  
“You’ll regret it,” He said, voice full of his own regret. “Don’t leave things too late.”  
“I won’t.” He promised.

  


 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a very very very long time since I've updated.  
> Hope this makes up for it. Much love <3


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